Jenny's relationship red flags: it's not their texts, it's their spending!

Written by Carolina Cuervo-Robert

Many online sources give you relationship tips: what to do to catch the guy or gal of your dreams; how to flirt; how to recover from a fight; and so much more. But advice on how to deal with finances is scarcer. Cosmopolitan Magazine, one of the hottest sources for dating advice, mentions money only once among their top 50 relationship rules. And that is merely to say that your partner’s financial views will evolve. Not a very helpful insight.

22. Know this: Over time, a guy's attitudes, opinions, beliefs, politics, and views toward money could be fluid. What probably won't change: his values, stance on monogamy, and religious beliefs.

Source: https://www.cosmo.ph/relationships/cosmo-s-top-50-relationship-rules

So, we know about the typical red flags in a relationship, but what about financial red flags? Is there advice about financial infidelity? In their paper, Hristina Nikolova, Jenny Olson and Joe Gladstone explore how partners’ differences in financial infidelity, which they define as hiding financial behaviours that you expect your partner to disapprove of, harm relationships. 

Credit cards, and other red flags to look out for

Forget having a “crazy” ex. The real red flag for relationship trouble might be your partner hiding an Amazon package. Or, you know, that secret credit card they never mentioned.

“In terms of potential red flags, lots of Amazon packages or having separate credit cards. Now, separate credit cards don’t necessarily mean you are engaging in financial infidelity, but they do make it easier to hide spending.”

Jenny Olson

Spending and hiding it from your partner might be, at the end of the day, a deal breaker. And if it’s not, it seems that it will decrease relationship satisfaction. But why?

The answer lies in a shared financial vision - or lack thereof. The authors’ studies show that misaligned financial goals largely drive the heartbreak of financial infidelity. Simply put, if your goal is to scrimp and save to buy a house, but your partner is more interested in secretly splurging on luxury travel and spa holidays, they might not be your better half.

The nitty-gritty of studying love and money

Alongside Emily Garbinsky, Hristina, Jenny and Joe had previously investigated financial infidelity, but a recurring question was what happens in relationships when financial infidelity occurs. This research was an attempt to address this directly.

“We developed a scale to measure financial infidelity at the individual level. But, financial infidelity is experienced in the context of a close relationship, which means we can’t study it without understanding the dyadic perspective.” 

Jenny Olson

However, they faced a major challenge: to study couples; but studying couples is notoriously difficult, very expensive, and most of all, very time consuming.

Also, trying to get people to talk about…well, lying to each other about money, doesn’t seem something particularly easy (or pleasant) to do.

“We can’t easily study financial infidelity dynamics via traditional experiments. We can't ask couples, ‘OK, lie to your partner about how much money you earn. Let's see what happens!’” 

Jenny Olson

Since they used online panels for data collection, they really had to get creative. They needed to ensure that behind the screen, they had a couple in which both parties were willing to respond to the studies, but they also needed to make sure that they were not biasing each other’s responses. To do so, one of their tactics was to get people to take and upload pictures of both partners’ hands. Another one, was not surveying them together.

However, and to everyone’s surprise, people seemed to be very forthcoming about their relationships, and how they dealt with money as a couple.

“One of the most surprising things is just how willing couples are to participate. Like, they want to talk with researchers and share their stories. And it's especially fun when you get them together. I just love watching a couple dynamic!" 

Jenny Olson

Consumer research’s take on Cosmo’s 50 relationship rules

So, what is the consequence of financial infidelity? This paper tells us that overall, couples in which one partner hides their spending more from the other (or is financially unfaithful) tend to be less satisfied with their relationship than couples where both partners are transparent about their finances.

So, if you’re still asking what green flags to look out for: have an open conversation about finances with your partner, see if your goals are aligned, and most importantly, make sure they are transparent about their spending.

And perhaps a final word of advice would be not to rely too much on Cosmo, but if you do, make financial fidelity your 51^st relationship rule:

51. If they are hiding their spending, they are probably not ready for a shared future. A joint savings goal is the new 'I love you'. 

Read the paper

"Financial infidelity asymmetry predicts couples’ financial and relationship well-being" Read the paper here.

Want to cite the paper?

Nikolova, H., Olson, J. G., & Gladstone, J. J. (2025). Financial infidelity asymmetry predicts couples’ financial and relationship well-being. International Journal of Research in Marketing.

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Meet Jenny Olson

If you were not a marketing researcher, what would you be?

I love that question because there are so many things I would love to do! Before marketing, I wanted to be a child clinical psychologist. More generally, I’ve always been interested in family dynamics, so I thought about being a marriage and family therapist at one point too.

What are your green flags when picking-out co-authors?

I value responsiveness, work ethic/drive, and engagement. Is this someone I can talk about new results within the next few days? Will they be able to read the draft in days/weeks versus months? Relatedly, I like coauthors who are equally passionate about the topic. Is this someone who gets excited talking about our work? Another big one is fun. The research process is really challenging. There are lots of ups and downs, which are easier to weather when you have someone to weather them with. In those moments of rejection or setbacks, it’s nice to have people who can help you see the bigger picture. Finally, coauthors with complementary skill sets can bring unique expertise to a team.

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This article was written by

Carolina Cuervo-Robert

Ph.D. candidate at Toulouse School of Management (France)